momomatic

3-0

2008-02-27T20:30:00.002-05:00

I made it 30 minutes on the elliptical. The day before yesterday for some reason, I barely made it to the 20 minute mark, so I was super excited that I was feeling pretty awesome at the 20 minute mark. So I kept going.

Today I had:

coffee (with cream and sugar)--does this count as breakfast?

handful of sunflower seeds

leftover ribs (lunch)

lentil soup and sandwich (dinner)

Uh, yea!

2008-02-21T16:20:00.002-05:00

I went into the garage for my "workout" (until I can do this for 30 minutes I can't remove the quotation marks) last night. I blew past the 10 minute mark without noticing and thought, "What the hell? Cool!" So I got to 15. Again without noticing. So I went for 20 and made it!

I've cut waaaaaaaaay down on my egg (did you know that ONE measly egg has 70% of your daily value of cholesterol?! and to think I used to eat 3 of them in one meal...) and milk consumption, so that's good.

So yeah.

Johnny Cash, bless you

2008-02-19T08:51:00.002-05:00

I made it 15 minutes on the treadmill and I can only credit listening to his version of 'John Henry's Hammer. Nothing like railworker music blasting through my ears on my ipod in a middle class garage to get me through my "workout".

Day III

2008-02-16T22:20:00.003-05:00

Thinking back, I should have worked my way up to 15 minutes at Day 1. But! I am on workout #3 (every other day kinda thing for now) and 10 minutes on The Thing is already getting easier (read: Hubby didn't need to have the crash cart ready and waiting after I staggered back in from the garage).

I've been really watching what goes in my mouth (especially cholesterol-wise), so doing that feels good, too. The hardest part is weaning myself from my habits. I can't say "old" habits, yet, but I'm making the changes one at a time so I don't go into shock from a lack of junk food.

I read this article: http://money.cnn.com/galleries/2008/fortune/0802/gallery.bloodchocolate.fortune/5.html, and much to my surprise I suddenly have no appetite for chocolate. This is typical of me, however. You tell me that one Burger King failed a health inspection and I'll never go to another one again. All or nothing: that's me.

I was at my therapist's the other day looking forward to a little cognitive therapy and all I got was another refill for my medicine. I have to find a new therapist. I don't want a pill pusher and that's what she is. If I have to stay on medicine for the rest of my life, fine, but I want to arm myself with the ability to hopefully get off of them one day.

Me: 0 Elliptical machine: 1,432

2008-02-11T20:58:00.000-05:00

My challenge (put forth by my husband) was to spend 15 minutes on the elliptical machine. Not just standing on it or or near it, but actually using it.

I donned my yoga pants (formerly used for eating Ben and Jerry's), a ratty long-sleeved t-shirt (aforementioned machine is in the garage and it's February), and my "walking" shoes and headed outside.

One of the longest blocks of time in my life went thusly:

15 seconds in (no, really): legs begin to burn

1 minute in: begin breathing very heavily

2 minutes in: started tasting blood, but it could have been sweat

3 minutes in: " "

4 minutes in: " "

5 minutes in: toes fell asleep/almost fell off elliptical

6 minutes in: had to grab the pulse rate handle to stay on machine

7 minutes in: " "

8 minutes in: had to start timer over again because I pushed/collapsed on the clear button

9-15 minutes in: said "fuck" in my head. alot.

So world: Are you ready/willing/compassionate enough to have me whisper my weight and health stats in your ear? Yes?

WEIGHT: 200-might-as-well-be-300 pounds
BLOOD PRESSURE: 117/80 (I know, right?!)
GLUCOSE: 66
CHOLESTEROL: 265

Happy Day, Happy Boys

2008-02-05T22:27:00.000-05:00

Clique-y Motherhood

2008-02-04T20:30:00.000-05:00

Is it just my imagination, or are mothers as bitchy and clique-y as I think they are?

Yeesh.

2008-01-28T15:21:00.000-05:00

Proof that two children fathered from the same man can be complete opposites. Above: Mr. Happy?-Go-Screw-Yourself. Below: Mr. Happy-Go-Lucky.

Dear The Internet

2008-01-21T12:52:00.000-05:00

It's been a few weeks since I last sat down with a cup of coffee to pound out a few missives that make sense to no one but me. Which is fine. It's nice to have a little bit of time on the weekend all to myself.

1. So. Still taking my antidepressants every day like I'm supposed to. Now that I've been on both of them for a while I know how I feel when I'm on them, and the horrible valley I fall into when I'm not. Plus my house is clean, like, all the time.

2. My newest "body modification" is healing nicely. I was sorta afraid that something awful was going to happen and they were going to have to chop my nose off. Punishment for defacing the image of God. No, I'm kidding.

3. I'm in the planning/dreaming stages of creating a small vegetable garden in the backyard. I want to have a nice spring/summer project for the boys and myself. I'm also seriously considering doing my own composting which, I think, officially makes me a weirdo.

4. Our digital camera crapped the bed ON CHRISTMAS DAY (the second Christmas in a row according to the hubby. I don't remember last Christmas.). So the hubby up and bought us a new one. I heart it. Canon. Takes awesome pictures. Makes me drool. Practically feel like someone that can take a picture of something other than blurry faces and pixelated everything else.

5. After a grand total of oh, about 400 30 gallon yard bags, the oak tree in the backyard has finally stopped the onslaught of foliage dropping. Thank god, because I was about to go out there with a serated kitchen knife and start cutting it down.

Apparently my quiet time is over, as my oldest son is trying to shove me off of the computer chair, so I must away.

Add another to the list

2007-12-24T11:19:00.000-05:00

I took the boys with me on Saturday morning (while the hubby was sleeping) and got my nose pierced. In spite of the fact that I am the most impulsive person I know, this is something I have been thinking about for years and decided that at this particular point in my life it would have a tremendous amout of meaning for me (see previous post).

So it's done. After childbirth and three tattoos, on a scale of 1-10, it was definitely a 1. And for the first time in a very long time I feel beautiful. Not because someone says I am, but because I feel like I am.

Early dawn

2007-12-19T07:28:00.000-05:00

Almost a month ago I wrote that I had taken the first dose of my new antidepressant. About a week ago I began to feel the changes creeping up on me and I have to say that, in all honesty, it was a peculiar feeling.

The person that I had been for the last 28 years was taking her leave and leaving in its stead someone that could think clearly--I didn't have to fight the constant droning commentary in my head telling me that everything was a load of crap. I don't have to fight to keep my temper under control. I don't sleep every chance I get. I don't lash out in anger. I don't believe that I am worthless, aimless.

For the first time I can experience an emotion other than sadness. An emotion other than happiness tinged with guilt.

I feel...free. My husband introduced me to a song by The Who:

I'm free-I'm free
And freedom tastes of reality
I'm free-I'm free
An I'm waiting for you to follow me.
If I told you what it takes
If I told you what it takes
To reach the highest high,
Youd' laugh and say nothings that simple
But you've been told many times before
Messiah's pointed to the
And no one had the guts to leave the temple!
I'm free-I'm free
And freedom tastes of reality
I'm free-I'm free
And I'm waiting for you to follow me.

A while...

2007-11-30T07:14:00.000-05:00

Today I took my first dose of my new antidepressant and continued my dosage of my old stuff. The doctor said to expect noticing changes in about three weeks. It has to be said that I'm really excited to know that in three weeks' time it'll practically be Christmas. I can't wait to see what "normal" feels like. It must feel...normal.

2007-11-01T18:42:00.000-04:00

My most recent creation. Total cost: $3.00 and 15 miles of walking in Olde Wythe.

Nevermind the door. I'm stuck on what color to paint it.

Desperately seeking...

2007-10-31T11:52:00.000-04:00

...something to knit. My children are up to their ears in sweaters and it's time for me to move on to more complicated stitches, like cables.

So I'm off to plop the little boy into his crib for naptime and then stare at my yarn stash in the hopes that something completely brilliant will come to mind.

"vacation"

2007-10-31T07:12:00.000-04:00

We spent the last 4 days in Williamsburg with my in-laws. There isn't enough bandwidth to accurately describe what a skull-cleaving experience it was so I'll keep it short.

My mother-in-law is insane. No, really. She is. She natters on, repeating the same story you heard 20 minutes ago, telling jokes that she forgets halfway through, feeds my son dairy products even though we told her the sentence before that he had an allergy to dairy and see those hives? the projectile vomiting? Yes, he's allergic to dairy.

In addition to being insane (no, really), she's also a first rate hypochondriac with a penchant for one-upmanship. You tell her you had Asiatic River Fever and your intestines slid out of your body, she'll tell you she had Ebola and her intestines liquified. A year ago she had "fibro", a friendly hey-pal nickname for a completely made up disease called Fibromyalgia, something I've noticed only seems to be acquired by the laziest people I know. But then she found something that trumps "fibro": Asperger's. She self-diagnoses, you see, but only after she meets someone with the ailment du jour. And then, voila! She has it, too.

And she has a tremor. Karma is going to nail me to the wall for this entire post, but wow. If only I could show you how she eats. In profile she looks like a Yeti--she sticks her tounge wwwwwwwwwwaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy out, brings the food to her mouth and has to shove it halfway down her throat so the food doesn't fall out of her face. If she had Parkinson's I'd never laugh. But I laugh (inwardly of course, but only because society dictates that I keep my laughing to myself) because the only reason for the tremors is the years of psychoactive medication she's taken. Nothing against medicine here, either, but she's never thought to herself "Hmmm...I wonder if I should get into cognitive therapy, so I could do something real about my problem, instead of just being too lazy for anything but pills.".

So anyway. We're back.

I'll talk about my brother in law later.

News from the front

2007-10-25T07:10:00.001-04:00

Recently the boys have been waking much earlier than they used to. Which is a bummer only because the 7 a.m.-7:30 a.m. timeframe was my time to drink a cup of coffee and chisel the sleep crusties from my eyes. And brush my teeth when we're doing something extra special. Just kidding. I never brush my teeth.

Tomorrow the family and I will be driving up to Williamsburg to meet my inlaws for a little 4 day "vacation". By vacation I mean the most aggravating thing I'll have to put up with for 2 months until they come back for Christmas. They're like cockroaches. With money.

So I won't be posting most likely. After I get back and the tic in my left eye goes away I'll resume my one-sided conversation with myself.

Fall? Summer? Does it matter anymore?

2007-10-24T12:47:00.000-04:00

I took the boys to Dean and Don's an hour ago. We went on the cute little hayride, through the spooky maze, and ran around the pumpkin patch in search of the roundest two pumpkins in there. It was adorable, the boys had a blast, and the last time I sweated that much while not moving was when I voluntarily stepped into the sauna after walking .5 miles on dreadmill. That cost me $100 a month. The Dean and Don's thing cost me $10 and had the same exact effect on my nervous system.

Oh, and? And it's 83 frickin-frackin degrees outside. In October. Which is in the fall.

I'm about to download 'Redneck Girl' by the Bellamy Brothers to my iTunes cache. Most people that know me might be surprised at this, since I am, by no means, a Redneck, but! I spent the first 10 years of my life in an area of Southern California that has the dubious distinction of being Speed Country (think Camaros, mullets, and white jeans) AND heavily agricultural. It's probably on fire right now, since Southern California usually is and next month it will probably be sliding into the ocean. But anyway--the song...

My mom is probably the whitest piece of white trash I know. I grew up hearing the "n" word several times a day, usually directed to any person not white that was driving any kind of car that was better than the car we were sitting in (which varied weekly, since they were usually repossessed ever two weeks from the "Buy Here, Pay Here" place). If you said anything like "Mom, we're in church. Can you tone it down?" she'd beat the dust out of your hair the second we got in the car.

So my roots are solidly Redneck (not to be confused with Hillbilly) and in spite of the fact that I will freak out on anyone that is overtly or casually racist, I still like the song.

Laundry as birth control

2007-10-23T08:42:00.000-04:00

The other day, my husband was remarking to me that once upon a time we went through a laundry detergent bottle once every third millenium. It wasn't so much an observation of his as it was an accusation--as if all of the money not spent on mortgage payments, Club crackers, and heroin was going directly to Purex. Prior to children there are alot of things we went through very slowly. Condoms wasn't one of them, but laundry detergent was.

I'd love to be able to draw on my screen, but since computer technology in this house consists of a two foot deep monitor and a hard drive you have to tickle to get going, you'll just have to use your imagination and reference the statistics class you drooled your way through:

A simple bar graph in which the instances of sex steadily decreases with the increased usage of laundry detergent. This month I'm on bottle 3 of detergent, and condom #2 of a 12 pack.